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Posted by / 17-Feb-2016 10:04

I fit into medium-sized thongs, therefore I am a size medium. And that, friends, is the true story of how I went from Wedge Queen to Empress of All Things Thong.

Because all of my online purchases are stretchy pants or oversized hoodies, I’ve never had many issues with shopping . Contortionists in the freak show ain’t got nothin’ on these magically morphing fun bags.

When I’m not sampling dark beer or hiding on my porch, I enjoy writing words, reading words, and fighting with my husband about the meaning of words.

Once they arrived I ripped off my clearance bra, strapped on my new brassiere and stood in front of the mirror.

What I saw can only be compared to seeing yourself after a bear attack in the Alaskan wilderness.

I’m a 36-year-old mother of two, stranded in suburban Utah while I finish my first book and raise my kids in a nice neighborhood with a nice school.

My blog is a bunch of irreverent, foul mouthed blurbs about life, writing, and random shit that happens to most of us.

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I’ve been featured on The Good Men Project, Maria Shriver’s Blog, and My Thirty Spot.